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Why Nursing?

Why Nursing?

One of my friends/coworkers asked me the other day –

“Why did you go into nursing?”

“Why Nursing?”

Oh gosh, what a question. After these last few months, I have seriously asked myself “WHY?” so many times and have honestly forgotten why I went into this career. So let me try to tell you why I chose nursing.

What has helped me keep going during this slump in the career? To be frank, paychecks and student loans. I got bills to pay!! Yes, this may seem cold, but you don’t have to keep reading if you don’t want to. I’m pretty sure everyone has gone through questioning their career.

Why is there a slump and why am I questioning this? Maybe I am just not where I should be in my career; or maybe the where I am has me so drained I have nothing left to give. I have a strong feeling it is the latter reason to be frank. My job is wiping me out emotionally, mentally, and now it has taken a toll physically.

Now, to answer the question. I went into nursing because it was a fluid career. Nursing gave me an opportunity to travel and find a job anywhere I went. That is honestly why I went into nursing. I was not one of those people who went in initially because they really wanted to help people and cared about people. For me, that came later as I started to develop in my clinicals. I care about people, but I am not always the best at communicating how to them.

I graduated five years ago. Wow, that feels like a lifetime ago. If you’re a student nurse or even a new nurse you should keep a journal of their first few years in the real world. I wish I would have kept one during these past two years on a Medical-Surgical floor. Journals are amazing at self-discovery and reflection. All I have is my memories of how new I was a couple of years ago and how familiar it is to me now.

Why nursing? I am seriously unable to answer that still. I don’t know why nursing. I don’t even particularly think I’m all that good at it. I recognize that is something you’d never want to hear your nurse say, but it is the truth. I feel confident in my nursing skills, I just suck at bedside manner. I think inside my head a lot. However, overall, I’m gonna do my best to get you (the patient) better. I just need my patients to HELP me HELP them. That’s a whole other blog post and maybe a huge reason I am just feeling so burnt out on this whole nursing career.

New Addition to the family!!!

New Addition to the family!!!

ANNOUNCEMENT!

Mark and I have added an addition to our little family that consists of two cats, ourselves, and part-time children! We have added a puppy! His name is Jaspar…. which I like to spell JAZZPURR!! Bwahahahah.

We went to Seattle Humane Society to look at a puppy, that honestly neither of us were very interested in, and as we were walking down that corridor past all the other dogs I spotted Jazz and stopped at his cage he shared with his brother. We took him to the meet & greet after fighting in line to make sure we were the first people to see him. WE MADE IT! He already knew few basic commands, he was a loving little sweetheart and we took him home. We went to the pet store and gathered him a few things plus a crate. He was nervous about getting in the car, didn’t like to jump in, but he grew to run and leap! We took him on a walk to our favourite pub, JJ Mahoney’s, just down the street. He settled well and was very well behaved around people!

That night he slept in our room and when we woke up in the morning I heard that he was REALLY congested. We took him to Kingston that day to say goodbye to a few friends who are moving to Paris! Monday morning I woke up to him having a lot of difficulty breathing. I immediately signed him up on Trupanion, listened to his lungs, and noticed his snot was green/yellow. I took him into the vet that evening and they gave me some antibiotics just in case it was a bacterial thing. Well then he decided he didn’t want those nasty tasting things… I don’t understand why they don’t just give liquids of those things

Anyway, he is a lethargic sleepy puppy. NOT NORMAL. But he is a love! So happy to have this pupple!

IMG_1902

 

I really hope he starts to feel better 🙁 My poor guy! He has such a sweet face and personality. He was a great pound puppy find!

On a second note! My new job is going well. I quite enjoy the pediatric side of life 🙂 It is a bit stressful learning all new things and keeping up to date on all sorts of things. I’m really enjoying it though. The doctor’s are amazing and very sweet. They answer questions, help you, tease you, and are all around lots of fun. The work environment is so much different from the last place. Anderson House had turned into a very hostile work environment. The managers did not respect their employees. So this environment is a lot different and I’m still waiting for one of them to treat me in a very juvenile way by possibly giving me the silent treatment or telling coworkers they are allowed to talk to me. I’m so glad to be out of that place. It gave me a lot of experience and confidence in my nursing skills, but I am EXTREMELY glad to leave it behind me.

Anyway, it is time to wake that snotty, sleeping dog and take it for a nice long walk. He needs to exercise and get that snot out!

 

Weirdest patient interaction

Weirdest patient interaction

When I think back on the last five months of nursing, my most awkward moment was when a patient asked me for a hug. Literally, she put the call light on, the NAC answered, came and told me the patient needed the nurse, I went into the patient’s room and asked what she needed…. her response, “A hug”. 

I blankly stared…  not knowing what to do ( yes, the logical thing to do is hug her). I’m not really a hugger of strangers and though I had been working with her for 8 days now, she is still a stranger. 

But I hugged her. 

 

And felt super awkward for thirty minutes after. 

Nutmeg, faces, diets, work, routines.

Nutmeg, faces, diets, work, routines.

Nutmeg, faces, diets, work, routines.

I make it my nightly routine to wash my face, do a short face mask, brush my teeth, feed the kittens, straighten up my room, read some literature, listen to some classical music, and then sleep soon comes.

I have noticed a huge improvement in the health of my skin 🙂 This face mask in general improved my skin quality just after one use! Here is it.
juice of 1/2 a lemon
1tbsp Nutmeg
2ish tbsp of baking soda to thicken up the solution.

Watch out! It does foam! Hahahaha… I have at least one more use left over so I stored it in a small container for tomorrow night. I let the mask stay on 15 minutes then rinsed it while using it as an exfoliator as well. Then I did one more wash with African coal soap. My face feels amazing.

I have been cheating in my diet though 🙁 I’ve been having cheese… and frankly I am remembering why I hardly eat cheese. It makes me feel so fat, bloated and flubbery. I need to stop eating so much cheese and start drinking my grapefruit juice and vinegar again. Gr… I don’t wanna but I must. I like the things it does to my tummy… I look like I am getting abs!!

Alright, sleep time. I picked up another hospice client and I will be taking care of her Monday and Thursday. So, my days got a lot more fun! GAH!

Monday, Wednesday, and Thursdays I think I have two shifts… Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I have one shift at different places. I can’t wait for my REAL nursing job.

It’s a dangerous business.

It’s a dangerous business.

I am restless. The doors keep slamming. I know I am meant for more than this life I am living right now. The day to day routine just going to my little jobs is training, building, and shaping me for something else. I JUST KNOW IT! 

I am ready. I am going to find a path, make it if I have to, and I am going to go live my life the way I want to. I need an adventure. Many of you who keep up with my life are probably wondering how my life hasn’t already been an adventure.

I mean in 2010 I got married, moved to my own apartment, started nursing school.

In 2011 I went to Africa, worked as a camp counselor, passed my first year of nursing school, started my senior year and my husband moved to DC and soon after decided we can’t fix our marriage and it ended.

In 2012 I went through the divorce, moved a few times, lived at a patient’s house for hospice care and then helped her pass away, was in Africa for about 6 weeks at different times, started work at three different jobs…. and here I am. Finally getting all my name crap changed cause the courthouse kept sending me the WRONG paperwork. 

I’m happy with my life, I’m content… but I am always looking for ways to be better, have new experiences, and keep moving forward. I am not the type to be the cute little housewife, with the dumb white picket fence, and babies. I will not choose to have that cage as my life. My ideal life is one of traveling, apartments or condos, and new people… and definitely no children. I love working with kids, I don’t want kids. 

I’m applying for jobs in New Mexico. Yes, it may seem like a step backwards because I have lived there before, but I don’t see it as that. I am also going to apply in Texas, Georgia, Louisiana, and possibly Florida. I mean…. might as well. I might as well see what adventure I can go on. I’m young enough. 

As much as I would like to go with Serve the Children this year to Africa or even India…. I don’t think that is the adventure I am suppose to have this year. It breaks my heart, but my adventures are going to take me elsewhere. I am even going to apply to England. My ideal life is one of travel and adventure. 

I want to work as a nurse, take pictures, write letters, record my life in journals, and just follow the road before me. 

“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door. You step into the Road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

Everybody and their mom…

Everybody and their mom…

Is in surgery, having a medical emergency, or something of that nature right now 🙁 I think at least 6 of my friends have had a medical emergency for their mom or their grandma. I was going to complain earlier that I am having a horrible bad hair day… but then realizing so many of my friends were having to go through this stuff with close loved ones, I decided WHO CARES about my bad hair day.. just deal with it. I’m not having that bad of a day as some people right now.

I have a job. I work as a caregiver to one patient. I live with the person 3 days a week. Frankly, the more I work in it the more I realize I was made for nursing. It’s crazy ridiculous how naturally it just flows from me when I allow it. I’m a servant and I have a servant’s heart, sometimes I just get upset cause people abuse it JERKS!

Soon I am going to be moving in with my friend Joanna!! YAY! We found a nice apartment up in Redmond…oh and by we I mean Joanna. She found the apartment, she went and looked at it, and she told me how amazing it is. I looked at it on Google, saw it is in an area I REALLY wanted to live in anyway, and just said DO IT! I haven’t even been there yet, but I have signed papers! Hahahaha. I know it will be perfect. She did all the work and she even got a job AT the complex! So rent goes down! YAY! I can’t wait to be in one apartment for a few months.

The best thing is. It will be a clean, non stinky apartment 🙂 My apartment is driving me nuts because it’s never clean unless I clean it and it always smells like damp, dank, and smoke sometimes even trash because I don’t take the trash out since I do dishes, vacuum, and straighten everything else up. At least my room is generally more clean and doesn’t smell as bad… and I even have a cat box in my room for River. The new place is going to have light, be clean, and be in walking distance to a lot… and I won’t be paying way too much to live there.

Alright, NCLEX is on its way to be taken!! YAY! Then nursing jobs will be hunted for.

I’ve started getting into writing letters and postcards again 🙂 Thankfully just in time for winter!!

I will post a blog on my adventure to Deception Pass after this one! I went on Saturday.

Decisions, coffee, kittens, and fine dining.

Decisions, coffee, kittens, and fine dining.

So my life has been crazy. My divorce is finalized in about 10 days, I need to study to pass a test or two, work has been lacking, rent needs to be paid, a roommate looks like it may happen for when I have to move out around October, I’m losing weight without really trying ( I credit this to not having to study ALL day and being in a healthier place than I was in the marriage), I enjoy being outside and I do my best to get out there and walk and hike!

Basically, I study, work (when they call), study, make plans, clean, and stress out. I have an old friend from when I worked at Starbucks back in the day that would like to be roommates with me. I hope things work out, because I seriously LOVED her and wanted to be roommates with her a few years ago. I did something silly and applied to work at Starbucks, because if I can’t get a nursing job in the next six months (apparently it can be kinda tough) I need some sort of income and I know Starbucks, I’m good at it, and hopefully it would give me more consistent hours than I am getting now. Even if I just work part-time, then do my other job part-time, and study… I will be fine.

I’m going to start applying to 2 hospitals in the area a day or at least 6 to 8 (maybe 10) a week from now til I get a job. Who cares if I don’t have my NCLEX taken yet, I am just going to apply.

Also, I just gotta have faith I’m going to be fine.

Time to shower, head to Cafe Ricoco, and study. I have to work out sometime today so I will throw workout clothes in my bag for later.

Oh the kitten is amazingly cute and adorable. Finally settled on calling her River from Firefly cause she has crazy eyes!!! She snuggled with me and purred for a good portion of the morning. I feel so blessed to have found such a perfect kitten for me. I really feel that she was meant for me.

Keep praying for my tests, finances, organization, studying, roommates, and my family. I’m having a hard time and just need some support.

Last day at Falls Church

Last day at Falls Church

So, tomorrow I go back to Kirkland, Washington. Right now I am finishing off sending out some of my trip’s postcards while watching Trigun. The anime geek inside me is squeeeeling with joy 🙂 It has been far too long since I have enjoyed me some anime. Yes, I can only watch it for so long til I want to rip my ears off the temporal lobes of my skull, but I still enjoy it while it lasts 🙂 I have 15 cards to send out today, I may not write much on them.

Went to our apartment complex’s gym today, and man those treadmills beat up my feet, knees, and shins. The ones at 24HourFitness have some give in them so it is not so hard on your joints and such. I can’t wait to get back to my gym 🙂 I may do my gym in the mornings now though. It is crazy. However, getting up at 5 and working out will be good for me. I like to get up early before classes anyway and start my day by having some time to get ready. Getting up early will just help me.

I love Starbucks people. I have had three guys give me lingering glances, then I realized my cleavage is definitely showing. Hello boobskin!

Also, I’m not sure I’m fully ready for school this semester. I will do fine. This is my last semester, I am going to rock it. I passed last semester with FLYING colours! I can’t believe how well I ended up doing! Hahaha. I need to find some way to be disciplined over this next semester and really hunker down and do some great work in my schooling… but apparently what I am doing is perfectly fine.

Guess what! This month, I’m off to Togo Africa!! WOOO! OK, let me take some pics of the post cards and upload it to Letters From the World blog 🙂

Alright, leave comments, enjoy!

Simple days of being awesome

Simple days of being awesome

Hey everyone who reads this. Today I am sitting down at my usual Starbucks doing my Disaster Relief modules and my Saunders test. 🙂 I have Michael Bolton music in the background (don’t ask why)… I just do. I will be playing Star Wars in the background while doing these in a moment.

My community health rotation is coming to an end and to be frank, I am excited about this. I don’t really like it. I see how important it is, but I am not one to be finding a job in that field if I can help it. My next rotation is at Seattle Children’s. I am going to have fun there I do believe.

Last post was a video blog, and Kyle commented that I should make a Jayne hat from Firefly for my next crochet project. Here is a pic of it

With Jayne of course 🙂 I suppose I can work on this next. He looks ridiculous! Bahahahaha. I might have to make my hats more fluffy than they typically make beanies. I don’t like snug beanies. I have a fat head, so I like bigger fitting beanies. I do want to make some llamas as well.

that is just too cute 🙂 Plus, attach little hats on two of them and then you have… Llamas with Hats 🙂

Who would not want to have llamas with hats in their room? especially Carl 🙂

Ok, time for me to do my Saunder’s test and my Disaster relief stuff. Geez, being a disaster relief personnel sounds actually kinda fun. Like, I could do that. 🙂

🙂 I bit lots of holes in them! That’s the sound of people drowning Carl!! That is what forgiveness sounds like, screaming then silence.

Ok, What ideas do you have for me for crochet? Also, remember postcards! I will reply as soon as I have time! Check out lettersfromtheworld.wordpress.com

🙂 <3

Also, don’t forget the “Big, sexy hook.”

The image of ourselves.

The image of ourselves.

You know that each person sees themselves differently from the people around them. I think this is something we should all agree on. I see myself differently from how my friends see me. But I also have the idea of what I should look like to the people around me as well, that is not particularly where I am at in life yet.

For example. I think I’m fat, huge, bulbous. My friends don’t. This helps me get out of my box also. I keep reminding myself, that even though I think I’m fat, and I shouldn’t go do something, the people around me don’t necessarily see my like that. So why should I be afraid to do something where I think everyone is going to think, “Oh gross, look at that fat girl” when in reality this is not what MOST people are thinking. I generally don’t care what people think about me, or I at least try not to, but this is where it REALLY helps me flip what people  may be thinking to help inspire me to get out and do new things!

Another thing, I have this image of myself that I am a pretty normal person, and my friends think otherwise. I have also come to discover the fact I am pretty crafty. I like to do thinks like postcards and letters to friends.

I enjoy crocheting!! And I actually want to find a community crochet club to learn and be with people who like to do the same things as myself. But on the flip side, I really like going to the gym, doing work out classes, and being active.

Then another side of me REALLY enjoys the nerdy side of life. I like to listen to music from my favourite sci-fi’s. I enjoy watching reruns of Star Trek and Stargate. I like to play Munchkin with friends, and have nerd-nights with friends. I get super excited every time I watch the new Star Trek movie, anytime I see Transformers I have a surge of energy when Optimus Prime is whooping some Decepticon a$$.

Then there is this nursing side of me that I didn’t even know existed until I started nursing school. It’s crazy how I was, in fact, made to be a nurse. Anytime I am in the clinical setting I get such a sense of rightness, like I am supposed to do this the rest of my life. I also feel that I am good at nursing…. though I will ALWAYS tease I am not. 🙂 The human body is such a fascinating piece of art. My first major in school was studio arts, and I don’t believe there is a better work of art than the human body. Big or small, we all function pretty much the same. The physiology of the human is also something that just baffles me. There is so much we don’t understand about human function to this day! The constant discovering and learning is amazing. I can’t wait to be a nurse and work with tons of people all over the world.

I have been thinking about my future. About when I graduate. A lot of girls in my cohort have focuses they want to go into. I have decided I don’t want to focus on any one thing yet. I want to learn about all functions of the body before I settle on a focus. I have a feeling I am definitely going to be working medsurg as a float nurse or in the ER for many years of my life. And I feel that this is where I should be for a while. This broad base of knowledge will really help my career as a nurse in Africa too. I can’t close myself off in a box, otherwise I won’t be useful. I am not that person who can do just ONE thing though. But I can that person who can be really good at multiple things and if there is a need for someone who specializes in ONE thing, I know how to ask for assistance.

I guess this little piece was just a blog about me and how I see myself. Oh well.  🙁 Sorry if it was lame! Enjoy, I must get to doing homework again.