Sometimes I just hate….

Sometimes I just hate….

The way I look in pictures. Blagh! Today has been one of those typical “girl” days where I just feel like poopy. I feel poopy about  my accomplishments, myself, and my life. Today, I hate the way I look. I hate how chubby I am (I have already explained the history as to why I am this way), and sometimes I just want to filet the fat right off my body with a knife! (expressing feelings here people, not really going to do this) I work out, but I could probably do to work out more. I am in nursing school, and it’s hella hard, but it can always be worse. I’m just having a really hard time finding energy, motivation, and the gung-ho as I always have in these situations in life. Right now I personally just want to curl up and sleep for days. I need an escape (I’m saying it the way Dori from Finding Nemo says it) from this mundane, super packed, really boring, unorganized thing I have recently been calling life. I want something fun in life, this is just too………… lame. I don’t know what it is going to take to get me back into this whole school thing, maybe I have just been at it too long, but I am too close to bail out and quit right now. And that’s really not my personality type anyway, I’m not a quitter. I will finish with long strides til the bitter end. I’m just having a really poopy time getting myself to feel pretty, wonderful, and amazing. Maybe I really am not these things in reality, but I need to “feel” like it once in a while… damn, I know my face can be pretty awesome, but I don’t feel it right now.

I haven’t talked to Harris is a couple of weeks, I miss him. I really hope he is doing ok. It’s the rainy season and he dropped his phone in a puddle! Thus, I have not been able to call and he has not been able to call either. I really do hope he is doing ok, and that when the construction on the school is over he is able to get going.

Alright, I  have to finish my homework for tomorrow. PPPpppphhhhhhhhhhttttttttbbbbbbbbbb …. I wish I had friends to just go and hang out with and talk to… get in trouble, do crazy things… like ride the bus and get lost in Seattle. I’m having a really hard time growing up I suppose, which can be a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing when nobody else around you wants to do the same things you do. I hope this weekend I can hang out with Leigh and do some fun stuff up in Bellingham as well as get lots of homework done. 🙂

Hope you guys are feeling better motivationally than I am. Below is a picture that captures how I’m feeling.

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