missing Africa completely and utterly.
I just texted a friend this… .
“I can’t do this. I feel like absolute poop. I don’t want to go to school, I can’t even get my brain to focus. I feel as if I am falling apart, no I have been shattered apart. I am just some vase that has been shattered on the floor and nobody cares about broken vases. You know what happens to shattered and broken vases? They get thrown away. Nobody wants to fix a shattered vase, it is easier and better to just get another one.”
I am a mess. I feel as a vase would, thrown from the roof of the home we had in Togo. Shattered. I sometimes have to live each day one hour at a time. I can’t even live this life one day at a time, it simply comes down to one hour at a time and sometimes even in fifteen minute chunks. I have papers to do, study guides to complete, group presentations to work on, and I can’t even find the concentration to even pay attention in classes.
[insert angry paragraph in which I deleted here towards a specific person]
This song, the lyrics are so amazing right now. I don’t want him back in my life, I don’t want to trust him again. He preferred most things to me. But I got to pull myself together for my degree, for Africa, and for my future. Because there is so much for me to do in this life and this one little “bump in the road” isn’t going to effect my bath and derail me. I don’t share emotions very well, so I think people don’t realize how much I am actually going through emotionally.
However, when I am sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.