You’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time. You’ve also just gone through the stress of divorce. You want to date and possibly build a new relationship with a member of the opposite sex. How do you know you are ready though? Knowing when to date after divorce means you must know yourself and your relationship patterns. It also means being ready mentally, emotionally and physically. Are you ready?
It takes Determination and a willingness to heal old wounds before you are ready for a new relationship. Owning the role you played in the demise of your marriage, working to make needed adjustments in the way you inter-act in a relationship gives you a better chance at succeeding in your next relationship.
Hold Yourself ResponsibleNo one is blameless when it comes to divorce. Take responsibility for your mistakes. If you don’t you will carry the same mixed up perceptions and “baggage” into the next relationship.
Examine your expectations of what a relationship should be and work at identifying any skewed beliefs you have. Work at correcting negative issues you have and then get on with your life. Just remember, the pain is there for a reason. Don’t let the lesson you need to learn get away from you.
Forgiveness is for YouAny anger and resentment you have toward your ex will linger until you are able to forgive them. I know that is easier said than done but, forgiveness is given so that you can empty your heart of any negative emotions. Negative emotions that will affect you emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically if you hold on to them.
Until you can let go of old resentments, you have nothing to offer in a new relationship. So, drop the “baggage” and get on with your life.
Your Marriage is Dead Not YouDivorce marks the end of a marriage. Mourn the loss and then lay it to rest. You are still very much alive. Your heart still beats and your soul still yearns for an attachment to another.
Your marriage may be dead but you are alive and kicking. Nurture your heart and soul by treating the ending of your marriage as a new beginning. An opportunity to grow, hold yourself responsible and practice the art of forgiveness. If you can do these things you will find that love the next time around will be better than you thought possible.
Tomorrow my divorce care group is going to be going over New Relationships. I feel that people may be judging me for having started dating already and not holding onto the marriage.
Let me ask something, “Who are YOU to judge?”
Do you know me? Do you know the emotional turmoil and pain I did go through? Nope, you most likely don’t. You weren’t allowed into my heart, emotions, and sanctuary of myself to really know how what happened affected me.
All of the above things the article suggests is stuff I went through within myself. First, I believe firmly in building a bridge and getting over it. Deal with the emotions, deal with the pain, and move on. Secondly, I am 25, I am young. I can not allow 3 years of a “speed bump” to ruin the rest of my life. Tomorrow my divorce is finalized, the 90 “cooling off” period is done and I am officially single.
I am short on money for bills for the next month, I’m applying at Starbucks and Tully’s for a job to fill in the gap between now and a nursing position, I’m studying for my test that I will take before August 15th, and I couldn’t be happier in my life though there are so many things that seem to be piling on me. I am going to handle this period of time with grace and peace. I know I’m healthier now and I couldn’t be happier with where I am at.