I have been to Africa three times this last year… yes I would love to go back. But being able to be there three times has satisfied my desire for a bit. It taught me to be content where I am in life. These last six to seven months have been a challenge and they have been fun. I feel so enlightened about myself and who I am. I have owned up to mistakes I have made and I am moving on with my life watching out for those same mistakes.
What dreams do I have? Would I still like to serve in Africa for the rest of my life? Would I like to have a family? Would I like to have a house? Would I like to remarry one day? Do I want kids? Do I want to stay in Seattle? Do I want to live in Europe? Do I want to be a cat lady? Do I want to own my own personal flock of birds? Do I want to have a penguin habitat in my backyard? Do I want to work at a zoo? Do I want to be a pediatric nurse? DO I want to be a traveling nurse? Do I want to be a nun? Do I want to start a church group? DO I want to sell all I have and start absolutely new…. wait did that already…. or did I do it well enough?
The answer to all these is “Yes” Simply because I don’t know. I’m living for today. Not worried about tomorrow, not holding onto yesterday.
I have felt what it is like to deeply miss someone. I cry freely. I cry because I miss my kitten when I am away from her for five days. I cry because a beautiful sunset is before me with the breeze that makes the leaves and grass sing out their praise to their Creator. Feeling God around me in all things brings me to tears. Consistently He is reminding me how much He does love me and care for me. I keep tapping into His grace and His mercy, knowing I am no failure. I know I am on the path He has laid out for me and I want to learn all I can from it and how to NOT make the same mistakes I have in the past.
My life may not be going how I thought it would be a year ago; however, I am most definitely happier with the alternative 🙂 I may only have 30cents in my bank account, but I feel rich in experience, love, and peace. I can’t express with my own feeble words how blessed I am.
Here is my beautiful city that I call home and want to for at least another five years. I’m not interested in moving on too soon. I still need to discover this place and all it has to offer my curiosity.